The Sum of an Asshole is Greater Than Two Cheeks – @dawgmanistan Reviews Skrillex – Recess

The Sum of an Asshole is Greater Than Two Cheeks – @dawgmanistan Reviews Skrillex – Recess

@dawgmanistan Reviews Skrillex Recess App

My brow furrowed as I read the words over and over again. “Review the New Skrillex”. This, the assignment from my editor who I am now convinced is no longer concerned for my personal well-being. Undaunted by this challenge, I read the next line. “You need to install the app to hear it”. Alright. This shouldn’t be difficult, should it?

Skrillex hair on hot chicks

How little did I know the what the man who single-handedly de-hottied millions of girls throughout the world with a shitty haircut had in store for me.

The “Alien Ride” App

I flipped over to Google Play and downloaded “Alien Ride” on my laughable Chinese Android clone and fired it up. A shoddy Windows 95 looking scene with a spacy background greeted me.

Allien Ride App Home Screen

You see the “Share” button? It did jack-shit. “Secret”, you say? No dice. I tried the “Recess” icon. My screen suddenly went black and I had to restart my phone. Skrillex, you wily fuck. You’ve done it again. My frustration with history’s greatest mistake had reached a new high. 5 subsequent times, I attempted to access “Recess” but to no avail. Then, my phone started doing some really whacked out shit.

I thought it may be useful to check out some of the reviews of the app online to see what others were experiencing.

“Black death Crashes constantly. Even after closing it tells you it crashed every time you unlock your phone. Only heard part of two tracks. Not worth the hassle.”

“Horrible First … DO NOT INSTALL It never stops running and lags down your phone making it useless. Second: There’s is Skrillex’s new album on here… only 2 songs are actually good, the rest are garbage. Ugh what has the world come to… bad android apps and skrillex making horrible trap. Love his dubstep tho.”

Looks like Mr. Mop-with-Glasses tips his development team the same amount as his barber (who incidently happens to be a blind Sherpa with Parkinson’s Disease).

The “Alien Ride” Album

I actually liked it but that was my conundrum. I refused to enjoy dubstep since it’s humble beginnings as a soundtrack for white people popping mollies and getting jiggy with it solely based on this douchebag’s hair. I’ll bet if you look up this asshole’s picture in his high school yearbook, it would say “One Voted Most Likely To Single Handedly Drag the Entire Planet Earth from a 9 to a 3” Shallow? Maybe. Accurate? I’d like to think so.

So I’ve avoided dubstep completely. I can’t make comments on how this compares to his previous work nor could I compare this to other artists in this genre. I can say for a matter of a fact that I really enjoyed what was going on here. I wouldn’t sit down after work with a spliff and ponder the complexities of the thing but it was nice to have on in the background while I cleaned a winter’s worth of loose Skittles from behind my couch.

Can we differentiate a man from his art? Is the sum of an asshole greater than his butt cheeks?

The answer to both is a resounding “Yes”.

In Closing…

Skrillex the Man = An affront to modern evolution
The New Skrillex Album “Recess” = Good to listen to while you clean candy off the floor

@dawgmanistan

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